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The Chronicles of Faust
By: Nez

Part 10

(Click here to skip to the chapter beginning)

Author’s Note:  This part is a continuation of the last section.  Not much else to say except that blond chicks rock the house.  Especially at Hooters.  ESPECIALLY when… nevermind.  Onto the story…

Lexicon:

Klown:  Faust’s derogatory term for the Kais.  Also mocking of their choice of clothing.

The Earth Saga  (Cont’d)

 It was at this point that a person named Goku (apparently some friend of Laucon's) and Laucon himself showed up at Vegeta's place.  After being shown in by the maid and the ensuing introductions/explanations and such, the pair was enfolded into the growing conversation.  A certain Gohan and Krillin showed up as well, with Sprout in tow.

*(A little hitherto known fact, Sprout is a creation of Dr. Gero, composed of the DNA of Krillin and Goku.  Sick, huh?)

 Vegeta then began conversing with Jerani again.  She was apparently trying to convince him that he was now the "King of all Saiyans" not just their Prince.  Faust was still mentally reeling from having his societal status jumped up to just about as high as it could be.  Carolyn was a bit more levelheaded, however.  She heard faint strains of Tango coming from down the hall and dragged her husband down to investigate and nominally to celebrate. 

*(WTF?  Does everyone break out in random tangos?)

 Finding a conveniently empty dance hall along with accompanying music coming out of nowhere. The couple did a 150,000 power tango and after excusing themselves from the Prince/King (?) they went back to that deserted island to do some more "climbing."  Upon checking back in the beach house later that night, they found an invitation from the Vegeta household to stay their estate for the night. 

 When the couple returned to Vegeta's house, they noticed him standing on a balcony, brooding with the stars for his company.  The maid made some comment about the cute "honeymooners" but otherwise left them unmolested as she escorted them to their room.  Carolyn called dibs on the shower, saying that sand gets everywhere.  After a few moments in the bathroom, she poked her head out the door and dragged Faust in after her. 

 After that ordeal, Faust laid a thoroughly contented, purring Carolyn on the bed and before closing the blinds; he noticed a few tents and a campfire in the field beyond the house.  After pondering the matter for a few moments, it seemed to Faust that Laucon, Goku and several others were doing some male bonding.

*(Inside joke that Goku and co. end up camping in Vegeta/Bulma’s backyard without asking permission or anything like that.)

 Early the next morning, King Vegeta woke Faust for some training.  Upon getting dressed and ready for a hard morning, Vegeta and Faust went out to an abandoned tract of forest and had at each other for a few minutes.  Following a particularly beautiful face plant, Faust and Vegeta returned to the palace to freshen up.

*(That fight was SHORT.  I rolled like shit.)

 While Vegeta was taking care of his hygiene needs, Faust was approached by Zaru and told of a looming threat to the planet and to all those of Saiyan ancestry, particularly Super Saiyans.  The threat itself was an army of Shadyk hounds led by two particularly powerful fighter/mages. 

 These Shadyk hounds, as Zaru said, had the power of illusion, enabling them to blend in with the populace and escape detection.  Finally, Zaru requested that Faust not let Vegeta know about this incident, explaining that the powerful Super Saiyans would be prime targets to these hunters. 

 Zaru also told Faust, and Vegeta when he joined them, that their presence would be required at the lookout for a "group meeting."  After getting ready, the group set off toward their destination.  En route, another Namekian, named Piccolo, joined the group without a word.  Presumably Vegeta and Zaru knew him so Faust made no comment and continued flying onward.  Upon arriving at the lookout, an entirely flimsy looking structure whose very existence defied the laws of physics, several other individuals were seen to have congregated there.

 The Guardian of Earth, another Namekian, named Dende, took the non-Earth residents aside and told them to keep the "power players" occupied for as long as possible so the threat could be assessed and dealt with.  If they found out, they would undoubtedly try to do something about the problem and most likely play into the Shadyk hound's plans.

 To this end they decided to take the entire group to the south and prepare for some "threat" that Dende alluded to the rest of the group.  Taking the bait, everyone decided to go train.  While the group was on its way to someplace clear and open to train, a cloaked figure appeared in a flash of light, taunted the group and teleported away with Jerani in his grasp.

*(Someplace that doesn’t exist on Earth, is really far away but is right over there.)

 The group landed at that point to ponder this recent turn of events.  During the discussion, it came slipped out that some of the people present had known about a threat building on Earth.  After the requisite pointing of fingers was done, everyone sat down to start forming a plan of action.

 A few hours later, the group having accomplished nothing in the meantime, Faust began to feel a pain in his head.  Used to getting headaches due to long nights and puzzling logistical problems, he put it off.  Eventually the headache developed to the point where it felt like his skull was being split open.  Faust managed to resist the pain for a few more moments but eventually it increased and overwhelmed him to the point where he cried out and his vision began to go gray and then black after a flash of light.

*(Faust’s mind being invaded and him being subsequently knocked the fuck out by Vegeta.  This next part tried to mimic a ‘majin Faust’ type thing, but really didn’t work.)

 Following this, Faust's memory is dim for the next block of time.  Only intermittent flashes of light and sensations of movement are remembered.  However, due to later reports, the group saw him fighting a male Saiyan that was later found out to be a transmutated Jerani.  The fight was decidedly in his favor until Jerani charged up an energy blast and suicidally detonated it on Faust, point blank range, vaporizing both of them.

*(I didn’t bother writing any of this part out because it was crap.  Faust was strong-armed into doing a bunch of shit he’d never willingly do that made no sense either.)

The Dead Saiyan Saga

 The next thing Faust knew was that he was standing in a long line of puffballs on a road that was built atop of the clouds.  The road led toward a dull looking domed building that seemed to be some sort of processing center.  The sky was orange.  This last observation set Faust to wondering whether he was either dreaming or dead.

 Seeing as he had plenty of time, he thought about it and came to the conclusion that he must be dead, seeing as he didn't remember ever realizing that he was dreaming while he was in a dream.  He never realized he had been dreaming until he awoke.  Working with the assumption that he was dead, he began to mentally backtrack to his last memories.  The last thing he remembered was a flash…not much to go off of.  Oh well, perhaps the building at the end of the line will clear things up, he thought.

*(Since matters didn’t turn out very nicely for either fighter, I just gave Faust ‘amnesia.’)

 The line advanced while Faust was mulling this all over, and he was brought back to awareness by the annoyed sounding cough of some outlandishly colored flunky-type looking person.  Looking around, he saw a sparsely furnished office and a giant pair of feet…belonging to a giant person wearing a crown.  The person wearing the crown looked over his desk at Faust, looked at his clipboard rather pensively, and motioned Faust through the rear door of the building.

 Upon exiting the room, Faust found himself on a road that seemed to stretch on for an infinity upon the clouds.  Mentally shrugging, Faust reasoned to himself that he had nothing but time in this world, so he might as well see where this road led.  With that, Faust began to wander down the road.

 After Faust had wandered for some length of time, he came upon another puffball that was resting by the side of the road.  At Faust's approach, the other puffball came up to him and asked if he would mind any company.  When Faust replied that he didn't mind, the puffball said that he had heard of a good restaurant about ten years down the road and to the right.  Not having anyplace more compelling to be, Faust once again agreed.

 Upon traveling for a little while, they started to talk a bit.  Neither wanted to go into who they had been, so they occupied their time by pointing out shapes in the clouds and occasionally debating political philosophy.  It seemed to Faust that his counterpart had been young at the time of his death, on account of his extreme inexperience and naivety.

 During the course of one of their discussions, the other puffball's attention was devoted enough to the debate that he stumbled over the edge of the road and after wobbling a bit, toppled over.  Faust moved to the edge of the road and caught a hold of the other puffball.  After exerting the little strength entrusted to his puffball body, Faust managed to drag the other being back onto the road.

 As the pair lay heaving for breath (out of habit) on the road, a maintenance vehicle passed overhead.  The driver, having observed the whole incident, stopped to see if they were all right.  Upon closer inspection, the driver exclaimed that the other puffball was the missing Prince of Chad!  The driver continued on to say that Faust was a hero for finding and rescuing the prince and that the Grand Kai would want to see both of them for sure.

*(This is corny enough to have made it into the actual series.  The Prince of Chad?  WTF???)

 Starting to feel somewhat slighted at this entire situation, Faust agreed to go to this "Grand Kai" just so he could give him a piece of his mind.  Faust had heard of this "Chad" place in the briefing he had read prior to going to Earth.  The country was a poor, corrupt garbage dump.  If the deed of saving a prince related to this country ranked him a hero over having saved his race and countless other people, then he wanted no part of it.

 After getting onboard the vehicle, Faust began to mentally compose a list of insults and screw-ups related to this whole "after-life" business that these clowns claimed to be running.  The prince, meanwhile, was amicably chatting with the driver about insignificant rubbish (Faust's opinion when he paid brief attention to it).

 Eventually the vehicle arrived at a large white house that was situated in the middle of well-groomed grass and other frilly plant life.  Apparently a crowd had already heard of their impending arrival because they were escorted to an amphitheatre and seated on a dais in the middle of it.  The crowd, a mix of puffballs and people with halos, was cheering as they were walked in and seated.

 The crowd quieted as another figure ascended to a podium atop the dais.  The being had an outlandishly long beard, long white hair and was wearing ratty Earthling blue-jeans, a leather vest and topped it off with a pair of black sunglasses.  The being began to speak in a slow, drawling manner, all in all rather unintelligent and "drugged-up" sounding.

 After an exceedingly long, boring speech, the "Grand Kai," Faust presumed, informed Faust that he would be rewarded with the return of his body and a complimentary stay at the Five Star Hero's Hotel on the Hero's Planet.  The "Grand Kai," bade him to the microphone to say a few words.  A few words are what they received.  Faust began by insulting the nation of Chad and then the "Grand Kai," just to get everyone's attention.  He then proceeded to decline and rip to shreds the "award" of his body on the grounds that the reward was hardly worth the deed for which it was given.  This then led to the insulting of the rest of the dead world and all of the rest of the clowns who were in charge of the mess.

 Thoroughly disgusted at this time, Faust was moving away from the microphone to walk out the door when the Grand Klown came up behind him and shoved a flaming bit of tinder into his puffball "mouth."  Once again, the next brief period of time is blank in Faust's memory, though he remembers being unnaturally mellow and happy.  Neither of which he had been for a long, long time.

*(I think this last part pretty much ruins being dead for Faust.)

 When he came to consciousness again, he was lying in a bed and staring at a golden ceiling.  Coming to his senses he realized that he had his true body back, scars and all.  He also noted the addition of a yellow circular band of light on the top of his head.  It seemed to follow him around and he couldn't pull it away or move it in the slightest.  Accepting this he began to investigate his surroundings.

 After taking stock of the situation, he came to the conclusion that he was in a hotel room.  Due to the stationary and the luxuriousness, he guessed it was that "five star" hotel that the Klown had mentioned.  He also noted an envelope underneath the door.  Upon opening it, the message said that he had to check out of the room by noon.

 Feeling in the mood to create some trouble and gain a small amount of revenge, Faust called room service and ordered a large Saiyan-sized meal.  When asked about payment, he said "Put it on the Grand Guy's tab, he's putting me up in this place" and went about stuffing his face.  After his meal (which wasn't bad by any means) he decided he was in the mood for some comic relief, so he ordered several hours of pay-per-view wrestling.

 Noon came and went.  When the cleaning staff came by, he told them that he was getting ready and would be out in a few minutes.  Needless to say he ended up using this excuse several times.  When two o'clock came, he figured that he should get going and cause trouble elsewhere.  As a final insult, he opened and emptied the mini-bar, thinking, "Here's another couple hundred thousand Zenni out of that Klown's pocket."

 Faust's encounter at the checkout-desk didn't improve his opinion of the dead world either.  Apparently they had confused him with someone else, who looked similar, but was obviously a different person.  While the clerk was muddling through things, a phone message came to the hotel for Faust, requesting that he come to the central logistics building.

 Not really caring, he humored the request and showed up at the designated building, noting that a certain unwelcome guest was following him there (how did she get here?).  After going up several flights of stairs and having to ask directions several times, he got to the right place.  After a bit of a wait, Faust was taken into an office and seated in front of a small man that looked rather bored.  Upon bringing Faust's records up, the flunky was rather alarmed to find out that apparently this "Faust" was a wanted serial killer.

 After a bit of convincing and calming down, Faust managed to convince the clerk that he wasn't a serial killer on the simple fact that the man was still alive/not in pain (for the moment).  After the clerk spent some time tracking down leads, he discovered that Faust's body had originally been given to someone else, a certain gentleman named "Reginald Faust."

*(The beginning of a plot line that didn’t go anywhere.)

 Once again, after dropping his opinion of the dead world a bunch of notches, Faust pointed out that this wasn't his problem since he wasn't this "Reginald Faust" character and he happened to have his own body at the moment.  After a bit more correspondence with the "central office" the clerk gave Faust some cash, an invitation to the "Supreme Kai/Klown's" planet and a plane ticket to get him there.

 As Faust was leaving the office the clerk gave him another travel package to give to another of Faust's acquaintances, a certain Jerani.  Faust agreed, having an interesting way to get the job done.  After he left the building, Faust initiated evasive maneuvers to escape his pursuer and find the nearest brick factory.

 After finding directions to his destination, Faust purchased a single brick and got a rubber band from their office on the way out.  Using the rubber band to secure the other travel package to the brick, he waited in ambush by the corner of a nearby building.  When he heard her coming, he blurred around the corner and wung the brick at her while blurring the opposite direction at full speed.  She got the message and invitation, as the brick narrowly missed her head.

 Faust then proceeded to the airport where he checked in for his flight, making sure to get a seat in a row that would be entirely filled.  This done, he wandered the concourse for a while and eventually stopped at a bar where some people called out to him.

*(Jerani was following him around and he was quickly annoyed by it.)

 The people turned out to be several of his soldiers who had died during the combat that resulted in the destruction of Station Huba 247.  They shot the breeze for some time; Faust filled them in on what had happened in the mean time, about the establishment of a new homeworld, contact with the Prince Vegeta and the other major events that had occurred.

 Faust and his men talked until it was almost time for Faust to leave, at which time, Faust called the travel agency and re-booked his flight for several hours later.  He also called the secretary of the Supreme Klowns and said that he would be a bit late due to a sudden schedule conflict.   That finished, Faust went with his Saiyans on a tour of the immediate area. 

 When four o'clock came around, Faust said good-bye to his Saiyans and after promising to wish them back, checked in for his flight and actually got on it (window seat, of course and first class).  The flight was rather short so there was only time for an in-flight beverage.  The plane touched down after a half hour flight on a small airfield in another lavishly landscaped piece of real estate.

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