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Dear Black-Ops,

I’ve never actually taken any of this advice junk seriously, but I have recently run into a problem I can’t solve and nobody I know seems able to help me.  So, I turn to you …  I’m a very shy person and I want to change.  I don’t like being shy and timid anymore.  How should I go about doing it?

-Shygirl

Dear Shygirl,

It seems to me that you would like to completely change your image.  This isn’t always as easy as it seems.  This is also a pretty good indication that you may have had a “reality check” so to speak.  Don’t worry, this happens to everyone, some lucky individuals even get to experience this several times during their lives.  They usually aren’t all that pleasant, but the best part is that you will gain invaluable information from the experience and hopefully learn from it.

Getting back to your situation.  If you really want to change it’s not going to be easy, but don’t let that deter you.  I will outline a few things that will help you to make the change.

The simplest thing you can do is sit in the first or second row of your classes.  This will get you used to having people looking at you.  Even if sitting in the back is your “thing” this also creates the mentality that “I’m in the back, I don’t have to do anything.”  This is the problem because it promotes being shy and reclusive. Get into the front of the class and when given the chance raise your hand to answer questions and provide input to class discussions.  These two things are easy and it is in a controlled environment.  Nothing is going to happen to you if you give a wrong answer.  Hell, it happens all of the time.  It’s no big deal.

Next, don’t stay in your room all day.  Get outside and do things, especially now that the weather is getting nice.  Being a hermit will get you nowhere in this life.  When with your friends say things, don’t just go with the group mentality.  Be different and stick out.

Change what you wear.  You don’t have to out and buy all new sets of clothes.  Just pull out those clothes you said you’d never wear.  Put’em on and see if you still feel the same way.  You may be surprised by the outcome.  Don’t just hold them up in front of a mirror, physically put them on and then make the judgment.  Make the choice in the first 10 seconds of seeing yourself in the mirror, either yes or no.  Don’t change your mind.  The initial reaction is always the correct one in this situation.  It doesn’t matter what any else thinks, it only matters what you think.

Now you have a “new” wardrobe, you are talking to people, going outside and contributing to class discussions.  Now for the hard part … … … … DON’T STOP!!

It will feel a little awkward at first but stick with it.  Don’t expect to feel completely comfortable with these changes for at least a month.  Don’t freak out, the time spent doing this will help you in the long run.  You’ll be happier and less stressed out.

One last parting thought:  Those that are shy and secluded have more stress, are ignored by society and don’t seek help soon enough.  As a result they live “hollow” lives with few happy moments.

So stand up, step out of the shadows, and let you voice be heard.

Always,

If you have a question you want answered send it to - silverbone01@yahoo.com or MU – senior_wills@yahoo.com or Nez – nicholaeus@hotmail.com or DarB - tmh_n_co@yahoo.com  All email addresses sent to this site are confidential, and will not be shared with anyone...EVER.

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